My intention is to share my experience and give you some insights about how I work with families in the program TALENT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. Whenever it comes to a disruption in our relationships it is because of lack of attention, automatic reactions and difficult times leading with change.
We are all shaped by our family experience and conditioned by “how our parents think the world should be” and since daily life made us repeat constantly the same cultural patterns, we probably educate your child the way we were educated. Some of us opt for the opposite way, just because they reject their indoctrination.
Educating a child is learning on the spot. Nobody was taught before how to do, even if some of you have been taking care of a sister or brother or a friend’s child. So while you read how to do best, family and other people give you a lot of advice, you rarely take time to feel inside yourself what would be the best decision to take.
And here comes my invitation to be aware of yourself, your needs and your intuition, which is the best adviser as you are the best to know what your child needs. But therefore you have to take time for yourself, moments of self-care and self-compassion.
Each time we react impulsively to a situation or we are triggered by the same and then just jump directly into the same reaction, we might say or act in a way that we don’t really want. And the consequence is afterwards that we are feeling regrets and spend time and energy in thinking loops.
Learning to be aware of what is happening, seeing a situation with fresh eyes and not blaming our child through “good” and “bad” or demand us more than we can give in certain situation, is the starting point of improving communication skills. Research shows that applying emotional intelligence in communication avoids stress and lasting conflict.
You will learn to be aware of conflict, accept your errors, experience your strength and perceiving your child’s and the whole family’s need. It is helpful for taking assertive decisions instead of staying in the belief “we have a family problem”.
You will not have to memorize how to communicate, but instead train to be you in a personal development process in which you learn stopping unnecessary reactions to conflict. The WHY you are acting like this is the beginning question, so you can define your WHAT you will do and HOW you will encounter the family balance.
As parents our responsibility lies in guiding our children through life, until they become independent citizens. If you are a reliable reference of stand to errors and make it each time better, our child will perceive this as a learning process to apply for her/himself.