14 June 2021 Valerie Adolff

How did I become interested in emotional intelligence

Valerie Adolff Talent your world

Inspired by the interview that Marta Navarro did with me for the magazine La Positiva, I started to think again about

“How did I become interested in emotional intelligence?”

Indeed, as I describe it in this interview, I remember that from a very young age I was easily moved; I cried at movies, I moved when the people around me were not feeling well, and I also jumped with joy with them, when they succeeded in what they wanted. Everything seemed to pass through my body, because my skin was an indicator of what was going on around and ultimately inside me.

“You have emotions on your skin” they would tell me and that “I shouldn’t take things so personally”.

“And how do you do that?” I asked. Here I found no other answer than “relax my dear”.

I started with Jacobsen’s progressive muscle relaxation, then mindfulness and relaxation training with reflexology, then I studied The Grinberg Method to let go of acquired behaviours from the past that prevented me from resting, then neuroscience and our vagal nervous system.

And finally I delved into mindfulness and meditation (with different teachers such as Eckart Tolle, Tara Brach, Jack Kornfield, Oscar Carrera, Lisa Hall etc.) and emotional intelligence according to Daniel Goleman. It has changed my life.

How has it changed my life?

  • I have learnt to differentiate when I am distracted and how to refocus.
  • I recognise my emotions and can give them space without judgement.
  • I get to pause before I let myself get carried away by impulsive actions (e.g. talking before thinking 🙂 )
  • I am connected to my needs and I listen to them.

 

I have learned a lot in my relationships with others, both as a mother, partner, friend, sister and as a professional:

  • I am attentive to the needs of the other person as well as my own and I manage to describe with “I see, I feel and I do” without blaming others unnecessarily or mixing up concepts from the past with the situation of the present moment.
  • I can choose to what degree I allow myself to be carried away by the emotional situations of others.
  • My listening skills have been enhanced manifold and my conversations have a much more approachable, inspiring and spontaneous character.
  • Even in difficult conversations I can stay focused and assertive.
  • I have stopped determining in advance how it will end or what I expect it to be.

 

In short, I have gained in quality of life, because I have stopped replaying past situations in my mind afterwards (getting angry about everything I haven’t said or done) and I am committed to not worrying about what I will say tomorrow. Instead I trust that I will know in combination with the other person(s) what will be most appropriate for the moment. And I have found that being with others nourishes me greatly, both in my professional and personal life.

Next Friday, June 18th of 2021, I will present some practices of emotional intelligence in the JORNADA DE ACTIVITATS ADES.

If you are interested, you can inform and register here.

 

(Credit: linnuit.cat / Enric Manonelles)