We have all sorts of reasons to be dissatisfied. The troubling news of the world, the expectations towards economy, the nagging neighbour, the pressure at work, the stressful partner, the child to look after, the sick parent, the crowded supermarket, the traffic jam….. And there are probably many more things that are not mentioned here.
To what extent these reasons make us dissatisfied or to what extent we can free ourselves from these external influences is something we decide for ourselves.
Or are you still looking for someone to blame?
Why are we discontent in the first place?
Discontent or dissatisfaction is an emotional state that affects us mentally and physically. In most cases we feel attacked, sometimes powerless, and the longer this state lasts or the more often it is provoked, the more you can become ill from it.
Our brain has a neural centre that detects possible danger around you and makes you react accordingly with flight or fight mode. Your body triggers its stress process, which prevents you from having a clear head, because your body is ready to defend yourself or flee. Therefore, without being able to reason, your reaction to any event is always exactly the same. And this state exhausts and leads to dissatisfaction.
What could be the actual dangers?
In contrast to the dangers experienced by a nomad in the Stone Age,
as current perceives challenges are:
- Unmet needs
- Expectations that are too high
- The conviction that something important to you will be taken away from you
- Or for example that a person you love does not reciprocate your feelings
“Dissatisfaction in our prosperity wonderland is on the rise in general,” says
Horst W. Opaschowski, educationalist and futurologist,
“because in the end, abundance doesn’t make people happy either”.
How can repeated dissatisfaction be recognised?
- In personal attitudes towards life and the environment.
Often, negative thoughts and constant worries cloud them.
- In physical complaints such as stomach aches or headaches, in some women abdominal pains or thyroid disorders.
- Unhealthy personal relationships or repeated arguments with them without finding a satisfactory way out.
This list is not complete either, but maybe you recognise some of the points?
So when things don’t go our way, why are we unhappy?
- Based on what we have learned in our culture and family, we perceive something as good and bad. And we act accordingly.
- If someone around you does not meet your expectations, you are likely to “blame” them
- and if youself do not meet your needs, you are willing to “criticise” yourself for hours.
Or don’t you?
You have learned these behaviours since childhood and in a demanding society that does not enhance personal skills. And the more you have repeated these ways of thinking and acting, the more they have finally become automatic. This means that today, unconsciously, you always carry out the same reaction, whether you want to or not, which can become a chronic dissatisfaction.
Often it is an inner attitude that has become entrenched and from which you suffer with your health and those around you suffer with your state of mind. It doesn’t matter whether you do it consciously or unconsciously.
How can you get out of this vicious circle?
- Becoming aware of your own behaviour is the first step.
This requires curiosity and the courage to first accept yourself as you are and not to immediately believe your inner critical voice.
- You can change something if you face what makes you unhappy and understand what is behind it and where your unhappiness comes from.
- We all can interrupt automatic reactions and guilt once we have clearity and the will to do so
Knowing and being aware is one step, but it is not enough. You need to have the courage to let go of the “worn-out shoes”, because a change in your behaviour means also changing your routines. And you have to stick with it for a while.
Confucius, Chinese thinker and teacher, wrote: “We have two lives, and the second life begins when we realise that we have only one”.
This means that we can live our lives in a self-determined way, especially with the confidence of a better quality of life and healthy relationships, if we are motivated to create change.
How can transformation be successful?
My clients who do a transformation process with me, learn to face what is difficult to tackle alone, step by step, in a guided way and experience that they are given many tools to learn about themselves.
Here I share with you the testimony of Gian Luca:
“I have followed intensive processes with Valerie, accompanied by individual coaching sessions that I have been able to practice at home.
I learned that the “anxiety” decreases after a training and is not as intense and painful as at the beginning of the process.
If you want to feel more and be more alive, I recommend this process of transformation. At the end of each session my perspective has changed.”
How does this process work?
To give you more courage and clarity, I structure a learning process in 4 steps:
- Attention to what your current situation is
- Identification of behaviours and routines
- Introduction of alternatives and change of perspective
- Perception and acceptance of authentic behaviour
The first results will not take long to arrive, because:
– You will feel more vital and motivated
– You will see things that happen with different eyes
– And you will have more confidence in yourself and in other people.
Let yourself be surprised. My 20 years of experience in accompanying people in different moments of their lives is my passion and I can support you in your transformation of unpleasant emotional states in a simple and direct way.
Take advantage of an intensive somatic coaching process to recognise who you are and not to get stuck in dissatisfaction and helplessness.